Part II. Rapid Hope Loss

Dashboard Confessional
"Rapid Hope Loss"
A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar

You called to say you wanted out.
Well, I can't say I blame you now.
Sometimes you've got to fold
before you're found out.
Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself.
Cause now that I can see you,
I don't think you're worth a second glance.

So much for all the promises you made,
they served you well and now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well
and now it's gone and you're wasted on me.

You called to say you wanted out.
Well, I can't say I blame you now.
Sometimes you've got to foldbefore you're found out.
Well thanks, thanks for waiting this long to show yourself, show yourself.

Cause now that I can see you,I don't think you're worth a second glance.
So much for all the promises you made, they served you well and now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well
and now it's gone and you're wasted on me.

I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
so much for, so much more
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get, so much for, so much more

Do what you must if that's what you wish, I cannot be a party to this
you have a sense that you were born with
You'll find a way to make things right.
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get.
so much for, so much more
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get.
so much for, so much more
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get.
so much for, so much more.

I'm so happy it's Thursday. Friday is school free. : ) I'm so exhausted all the time and it sucks.

Yesterday, after I typed my blog entry, I was feeling, I dunno, rebellious or something. It's been since my doctor's appointment (the 24th of August, I think) that I haven't worked out. Honestly, if I hadn't had two and a half slices of pizza at High Tide pizza, I probably wouldn't have felt compelled to. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Marion Jones or anything. But I was worried that the longer I waited to get back to my work out, the harder it would be. I lasted about 15 minutes before I started to feel pretty crappy. "Crappy" as in super super dizzy.

A few years ago I was drinking with my (now) ex's sister. She was making some vodka OJ concotion. I don't know how many I had, but the room started to spin really bad.

I took a short shower and pulled my jammies on and went to bed. It was awful-- I felt as though I was in some horrible amusement park ride. The bed was perfectly still and the room was spinning around me really fast whether my eyes were opened or closed. After about an hour, it subsided and I thought I'd got get some water.

Big Mistake.

As soon as I stood up I immediately lost my balance and almost fell over. When I tried to get back up and walk, I went "slam" into the wall. It sounds really funny, like something you'd see Wiley (sp?) Coyote do. I had a bump on my head today, but my hair hides the bruise.

Alexandro was back in classes today. His mother had surgery a few days ago, but there was some kind of complication and she didn't get to come home as soon as the family thought. Then Alexandro's dad had to go to the ER because he had a really high fever and was puking and super dizzy. It sucks when bad luck runs in pairs like that.

I managed to talk to a real person at Schmiser and leave a message for my doctor. She called back almost 4 hours ago. The short version of what she said (she left a message on my cell phone) is:

The CAT scan looks okay, both the radiologist and a specialist looked at it. She said something about the dye and about the IV infiltrating (???) but I don't see how that could possibly be my fault. I'm supposed to take my temperature everyday, and I'm supposed to go down to her office once a week for the next 5 weeks to have my temperature taken.

I feel like she doesn't believe me, that I'm making it all up. This afternoon I started to feel really weak and my throat hurts. I'm feeling to miserable to sleep though.

Is it so unreasonable for me to want Schmiser to find a way to fix me, you know, SOON?

Sorry to whine so much. I really do know that there are tons of people on the planet worse off than me.

<3 Tragic